September 01, 2008

Love Hugs Goodbye

It's over. I am done... My morning tears smudged those words in ink as I penned them in my diary.


I looked into Arjun's eyes. Tears welled up in mine.

"I'm really sorry, we can't go on, it's not going to be good for you," Arjun replied tenderly

I sat down on the bench and gazed at the horizon and blue sea in front of me. Normally, I would rest my head on Arjun's shoulder, and he would put his hand around me, but not today.

There was an uneasy silence, like the calm before the storm. Arjun was quiet. I was silent and we needed it.

Our jolly good days rushed through my mind. It’s still fresh in my mind, the way we became friends. Arjun worked in another section in my office. A common friend introduced us. There were special smile exchanges whenever we crossed each other in the corridor. In a training program we became close friends. We became intimate friends and then exchange of notes, mails, long conversations, coffee, lunches together etc.,

As days went by I got to know Arjun better. I developed a crush for him. I strongly felt that he had a crush for me too, but sometimes he was just friendly. I was upset, with his confusing behavior, but it anyways did not stop me from getting closer to him.

The urge inside me to know what Arjun was thinking about me, built up a pressure. I had to open up. I wanted to make things clear. I opened up that evening.

It was Arjun’s turn to talk his mind, but he was silent.

Deep inside my heart I knew it was there in him. His eyes always conveyed it. He was not able to confess his love for me, for some unknown reason. He loves me, I know, but something prevented him from accepting that. I chose not to pursue it.

"Yes, but I’m not able to acknowledge it. I am afraid. And this is the truth” Arjun finally broke the silence.

"I want to…” he paused with hesitation “but, I'm sorry". Silence took over again

"Are we still friends??” he asked me faltering

I nodded with sobs. I just wanted to burst out crying, loud. He felt like crying too, for he knew it was his fault anyway, to start a relationship when he knew that he wasn't ready. He opened his arms and allowed me into his arms for a hug, to cry on his shoulders, just like in the past. He hugged me tight and my tears dampened his shirt.

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