Sometimes....

Sometimes, I am lost in the human jungle
among those dreaded faces

Sometimes, I feel lonely walking in those shores
where people are like sand

Sometimes, I feel a void
and the hard thing choking my heart

Sometimes, I am struggling every minute
against everything and nothing

Sometimes, I live and die
every day, every moment

Sometimes, I feel dead
and floating in spirit

Sometimes, I feel calmness
peace after the storm

Every...

Every choice, every decision we make, every risk we take in life, every turn on the road, every person we allow in our life, every place we move to, every season, every regret that happens have the possibility of changing our lives forever...

A Moonlight Sonata....

It was 3 AM

A heavy sigh, he looks over and there she is, his life, the woman who brings a lot to him in many, many ways. She had decided to spend the night, she doesn't stay very often, he always wanted her to stay, but she rarely does. It’s special for him when she stays. For reasons she knows; but she does not really understand why it is so special for him.

He sits up and putting his hand under his head, looking over at her, there she is, and the sheet barely covering her tanned and toned body. He looks at her as she lies there on her back, her head is turned towards him, her eyes are closed, and the sheet rises and falls as she breathes. Her breasts are just barely covered by the sheet. Her dark hair is all tussled.

He enjoys watching her sleep, to him she is beautiful and even more so when he watches her as she sleeps. Her face is without its normal loud smile, and her makeup all gone, not that she needs much. But when he watches her like this it makes him appreciate her beauty and tenderness, the soft and gentle touch she has.

Previous night they both cooked a casual dinner together. She had brought some red wine with her. They had the dinner in the balcony and sipped the red wine under the moonlight. Silence was their language. Neither he spoke a word nor she.

She now sleeps like a cherub, close to him, feeling safe n secure!! He keeps gazing at her angelic face, kiss curls rubbing on her face; her kohl smudged eyes, soft skin, her raspberry lips and didn't know when he fell into a trance.

He wakes up to see its morning. She is gone. His wait starts for another night

Lost to you....

As the sunlight early morning breaks
The blossoms bloom to wake
My sleepy eyes I squeeze open
Expecting a bright new day

As the first rays of sunlight
Reaches out from the horizon
Life begins
With the hints of commotion

Whispers and conceptions
The hazy fog disappears
Leaving drops of mist on the blades of grass
Like crystals strewn on a carpeted floor

I laze on my bed
Yearning for something bizarre
A beckon so strange,
Wishing something to change

I cannot avoid looking into my mobile
For his messages, the ones that he sent the previous night
I wait for clues and happily disappointed everyday
As the day urges to begin – a longing

Frantic thoughts rush through my mind
Is he thinking about me? this morning
Will these colors, blossoms, sounds
Bring my thoughts to him?

With this weird feeling inside
I put my foot forward
nod back and then smile
Masking those tears conceived

I won the world
and lost to you
To rise and call out your name
The one- I wish to be with

Firmly holding on to you..

I am not sure why,
I can’t sleep in the night, books don’t occupy me
I keep flipping the pages blankly

I am not sure why,
I wish to talk to you for hours and hours,
even all night and still wish more and more of you

I am not sure why,
I close my eyes and see you and open eyes too
for is your picture painted in my heart?

I am not sure why,
I love to hear you nag me, laugh at me
and then later treat me like a princess on strike

I am not sure why,
I feel so empty without you
My walls seem all drab, dull and so lachrymose

I am not sure why,
My every dream has you
Even in a nightmare I reach up to you

I am not sure why
I have forgotten my name for
My heart always calls out only your name

I am not sure why,
I keep counting the days and months
To give you a single finger or my hands?

But they are already firmly holding on to you

Aint it funny....

It was a cozy small cafe, wooden walls, retro ambience, and some slow rock of 80’s on the player. There was not much of crowd in the beginning of the day. I was enjoying freshly brewed coffee with a work friend. She works in the adjacent building to mine. The wind was blowing cold. We were laughing at the usual office gossip.

She had recently divorced her abusive husband and seemed quite happy with her painstaking decision. I, on the other hand was planning, shopping for my marriage, to an unknown man, a complete stranger, who my family had decided. This man was an IT professional working in the US and came from an affluent family of my native village, I was told. I was candidly happy to get married to that man. I innocently thought and dreamt about my soul partner, or so I thought.

Suddenly, a loud conversation attracted my attention. It was a man, in the adjacent couch.

He was talking to someone probably his colleague. They were engrossed in a serious conversation. He was casually dressed, in a crisp beige shirt and smart denim jeans. I generally don’t look at anyone twice. And when it’s a man, I would not look at him. This was what I was thought from childhood, not to look at boys or men. But his distinct features that were making me melt. His hair was curly and jet-black, falling just above his shoulder, his eyes glassy and mysterious. He was mind-blowing. I saw him and for a second and I stopped breathing.

His lips were voluptuous, pure and soft. I could not help, drooling at him. His eyes, there was a passageway to his soul.

I felt my heart racing, an adrenalin rush, and an instant yearning in the pit of my stomach. I felt uneasy and vulnerable. I didn’t know this man and he didn’t know me yet I felt I knew him well and he knew me too.

But then I didn’t fail to notice, that his attention was also distracted from his conversation. He looked straight at me. In his glassy blue eyes, I could feel a sense of familiarity and anxiety. His gaze felt like a sharp weapon, piercing through my heart in one vicious blow. A smile beamed across his extremely handsome face. He was caught in mid sentence, for he too had lost his train of thought. He drooled at me, as if we were lovers.

His soul knew me. I was confused. I thought I was in love with my fiancé, but this mans energy, destroyed all. It was strange. The sensation that this man created in me, forced me to question my future.

Was I going to get married to my soul partner? The right one? If he was the right one, why am I so puzzled?

Or this one is love at first sight? I have argued with a lot of my friends that it was crap.

As a practical girl, not to be reckoned with I severed eye contact yet; I have to accept that I am a dreamer with my head lost in the heavens. I bid farewell to my friend and made my way out to the car.

A voice deep inside me screamed. You must not marry!

His thoughts were running through my mind, I couldn’t ignore. I decided to come over for the coffee, the next day, same place, same time.

"Ain't it funny how some feelings you just can't deny...
And you can't move on even though you try...
Ain't it strange when you're feeling things you shouldn't feel...
Oh, I wish this could be real..."

Jenefer Lopez was running in my mind

in old photographs

I remember those good times
when I look at those frozen smiles
in old photographs!

Another day and another night is over!
leaving behind those unfulfilled dreams!
and still I keep dreaming....

War with love

He was gazing at me,
And every time he thought that I didn’t notice
I looked at him after he turned away,
He reached out for me,
I knew, he gave a silent knowing smile
Cues of love
I pretended, as though I didn’t understand
Every night he kissed me in the air
I knew, it was on my forehead
Every time he whispered
I heard it close to my ear
Every time he touched me
I knew, the peaks of bliss!
Every time he wrote a love song
I knew how he sang it
Every time he shed a tear
I pretended to be indifferent,
I knew, he was in love With Me
But I was confused in Love!

On crossroads

Who is She?

I look at her, every time
she throws a whimsical charm
her capricious ash-brown hazel orbs,
never fails to make my heart throb

and a face that's
half naked
between her
disheveled tousle

dark and wavy her locks
cascading her kiss curls
streaks of auburn in between
alluringly extra special

naughty-naughty her looks
baffling her gazes
mischievous her deeds
impish her actions

she stares like a child
that just lost a balloon,
with pouted lips,
trying to smile

magnetic that smile
takes me an extra mile
raspberry those lips,
her talks like wafers crisp

soft and shiny her skin
makes me go insane
squashy caresses her touch
she takes my heart in a pouch

the attitude she shows
my spirit and heaven, it blows
who is this gorgeous girl? I wonder
and discovered I was standing in front of the mirror

- me

********************************************************

I found these “7 Secrets of a Confident Woman” heart-warming, and felt compelled to share them.

Secret #1 – A Confident Woman Knows That She Is Loved.
Secret #2 – A Confident Woman Refuses To Live In Fear.
Secret #3 – A Confident Woman Is Positive.
Secret #4 – A Confident Woman Recovers From Setbacks.
Secret #5 – A Confident Woman Avoids Comparison.
Secret #6 – A Confident Woman Does Not Live In “If Only” And “What If”
Secret #7 – A Confident Woman Takes Action

let every day be our day...

empty spaces and new beginnings

My broken heart was once strewn as pieces on the floor
I thought I can’t mend them anymore,
I woke up one morning and realized I was alone
I turned around and saw empty spaces in clone
Among a whole lot of strangers - friends and relatives
Vague, all that I wanted was to go home!

Home is where the heart is
When the heart was in pieces, where the home is?
With time just had to realize empty spaces are fun too
They can make good friends too
Empty walls, and empty floors, I moved in
With my luggage- my body, some memories
Now those walls don’t fail to make me smile
For I know, pebbles and strangers do no good

where am I?

Sometimes I feel, I am at the end
and there is nowhere to go

Sometimes I feel, I am at the beginning
and yet to get started

Sometimes I feel, I am in the middle
caught in the life's maze

oh where am I?

tired and lost

I am feeling so lost
I feel, I am tired
Living just to please people
It's all the people around me
All of them love me
thats what they say!
lemme be clear, I dont love you
I have idea of reciprocating your love
wanna yell out loud
"Fu*k off world, I don't need you!"
leave me alone
just leave me alone

a lil confusion

I was a lil confused this morning
which mask
should I wear today?
the good gal one? the sad gal one?
or a sceptical one?
everyday it happens naturally
I wear my dress and then
Pull out a mask from under my sleeve
it happens naturally
it was different today
I forgot my face!
my natural face
my face, sans make-up
is long back lost!

somedays

Some days I am a feather
Some days I am the wind....

my fear, my confession

Those juvenile days, I chased butterflies
I grew up a little and sprinted behind kites
Now, is this a rainbow or a wind?
I know, they can never be mine!

Can't take more...for they leave me torn!

silence

I searched for something amongst the nothing
and found that there is mystery in silence!

I may...

I may not have muscles
but, I would never run out of strength

I may not breathe
but, I would never run out of life

I may run out of money
but, I would never run out of wealth

I may be blindfolded
but, I would never run out of vision

I may never get an opportunity
but, I would never run out of hope

I may not have power
but, I would never run out of courage

I may not be freaking happy
but I would never run out of a smile

I may not sleep
but, I would not let loose my dreams

I may not have followers
but, I know I'm on the lead

I may look clumsy
but, I know my destination

I may be weak
but, I know how to recoup

I may fall down
but, I would surely rise up again

I may not be mighty
but, I believe in an Almighty

A song for my...

At the edge of the cliff
Further a valley view
Frozen like ice
I closed my eyes
Shaking knee, shivering blue
He pushed me, and I flew

Chorus:
On his wings, he took me true
Snow white they were
I had no clue
I had no clue
Held him tight to chase the blue

He soared the heavens
We painted the skies
On the horizon
We drew a line
Forest we painted green
Clouds we washed them clean

Slowly then
The dusk came in
A brook we saw
And he swayed in
He put me down with a sigh
We played games till it was nigh

In the moonlight
Beside the river
A soft nuzzle
A wet kiss
Rubbed my hair
He gazed at my face

With heavens above
We made sweet love
Early before dawn
He was gone
Leaving a love-note and a red rose sweet
Beside me in a siesta deep

I woke up, I was in my room
Puzzled, I thought it was a dream
I stretched and turned to my left
Something pricked on my cheek I felt
It was that red rose
Years have passed but it stays fresh